Look Back Every Once in a While

“Live your life, take chances, be crazy. Don't wait. Right now is the 

oldest you’ve ever been & the youngest you’ll ever be again.”
- The Notebook

This time last year I was a totally different person. I lived in a decent place down South of Cebu City with a small wooden bed (without mattress), a mini office and a portable computer. I had piles of bills on my table, mourning the death of a very close friend and still bearing the agonizing heartache of a recent breakup (for already eight months that time). I was in the middle of a huge project, working for food rather than money and despite the temporary shortcomings I was living in solitude.

I'm now far from what I once was but not yet what I'm going to be.

I'm living comfortably in Mactan Island, away from the life that I used to live for the past few months. I had issues back in the city. I'm currently unemployed, starting a humble advertising company and living with a very good friend. I have not yet reached any of my long term big dreams and my life is awfully stagnant. I have lost my computer, the portfolio of my pride and I'm now wearing a three-month-old scar on my right wrist.

I'm now 21 and uncertain about anything. Uncertain about going abroad or staying, being in a relationship or remaining single and even hesitant to decide if I’ll settle down or travel for the rest of my life.

I went back to my 2010 “Plans List” to see if there was something I was missing. I’ve already had my investment, learned the things I wanted to learn, went to different places and moved on from past heartbreaks. I’ve fulfilled everything that I’ve wanted. I’ve grown. What now?

I don’t know what’s going to happen next but looking back on the adversities that I’ve been through for the past two years, I could almost say that the future doesn’t matter as of the moment. I want to thank God for the kind of woman that He has shaped me: Free-spirited, strong, curious, independent and loving.

I’ve grown too fast for someone who is self-made.

How many times have I almost fallen for temptations that could greatly change the route of my life? How many questions have I asked myself to weigh tough decisions and how many friends have saved me from pointing my finger on the wrong path?

Sometimes you need to stop comparing your achievements to other people’s successes in order to truly see what you have earned in life. I have lived in Mactan for almost three months now and I’ve already met more than thirty people since I came. I’ve learned that no matter how successful a person is, he is in dying need of something that can’t be fulfilled. And through this understanding I have learned to deal with people fairly, looking through them and measuring the quality of their lives not through their successes but through the hardships they’ve been through in order to attain them.

I know I’ll be leaving Mactan soon to embark on another journey towards happiness. I have the need to meet people, to know more about the world and to live life to the fullest. When I was younger I used to dream about living in Mactan for good but now’s not the right time to settle down. My life has just started; I’m too young to fence myself in. There are still so many people to know, lives to change and things to learn.

I pray that I’ll be a better person in the next two years— much more beautiful in spirit, despite the scars that I’ll be getting from my adventures.

Lead Me.