Feel Blessed for What You're Not Blessed With

It takes courage to grow up and become

who you really are ~E.E. Cummings

I woke up early this morning to do some errands. I've been doing this for a couple of weeks now, taking long trips from Papa's place to Camp Crame to do the papers for the family business back at Cebu. Last night I've been drinking too much Heineken and despite the slurry speech and shaking knees I still managed to wake up at 4am and do all these tasks.

See, we pay almost half a million Pesos every year just to renew our business' License. Knowing the current status of this industry and having been able to work with all the billings and payrolls myself, I sometimes doubt if we have really managed to break even.

I need to take a long 45-minute walk to be at Recto's station at 7:00am. There are jeepneys, kuligligs and tri-cycles, but I prefer to do the long walk. It takes almost an hour before a jeepney would leave its favorite loading station and it would cost me 40 pesos to get to the LRT station in 15 minutes with the kuligligs. Pretty fast, but not worth my PHP40.00.

My friends would complain about me being cheap and frugal. Yes we own a 20-year-old business, in fact I have somehow assisted my sole-proprietor mom to manage some parts of it. I've known some who are sons and daughters of ordinary employees who own those gadgets that I can afford yet won't buy for myself.

If I were fashionable, I won't be taking that long walk. If I own expensive gadgets, I don't think I would take a risk drinking barako drinks at Barako Bars. If my parents weren't cheap, I don't think they would allow me to do all these errands. If I was one of the really fortunate, then I don't think I'd be the person that I am now. I don't think I'd learn something out of life.

I always think that trying to look good limits my life.

I can afford signature clothing, but will I be confident enough to mix with the average crowd without getting noticed? Will I be able to eat at pungko-pungko stalls without looking so awkward? That's the point. Sometimes you have to feel blessed because you aren't blessed with things that some people consider essential in life.

Some people might be deliciously sexy but they haven't experienced life to its fullest. If I did not dropout my college subjects, I wouldn't be this mature. If I wasn't left by my real mom when I was an infant, I wouldn't meet the less fortunate crowd and learn from them. If me and my ex went on until now, then it would have taken long before we realize the value of time we both have wasted. If I was so rich I could buy a soul, I wouldn't have learned how to appreciate and be satisfied.

See, I can afford things but I don't buy them just because I can. I'm blessed. Too blessed that God did not allow me to touch the things that only the billionaires can touch; to experience drinking the most expensive beverage with a Golden Cup and be vain for life.

Think about it. Misfortunes were placed perfectly in order to give you the character you have now. Shouldn't you be thankful enough? :)

Thinking and Growing Rich

The key to happiness is to have a  dream,

The key to success is making them come true.

I haven’t eaten anything for 3 days now. I have lived on water and a few chips (three days ago). I honestly am a bit depressed yesterday, I’ve just missed my job interview for the “big job” that I’ve been preparing for. My USB modem was borrowed by a friend and wasn’t returned on time. It wasn’t really mine at the first place.

Anyway, I woke up this afternoon feeling dead. I almost couldn’t move a muscle and wanting to puke my stomach out. I woke up several times today but didn’t bother rising up. I’m as immobile as any non-kinetic inanimate object. I’m getting thinner but heavier because I’m getting weaker as well.

Because I haven’t eaten much, I started to think of this as my way of fasting for special intentions. Accidental fasting, really. These “special intentions” might motivate me despite my demotivating condition. As much as I wanted to get pissed off, I just can’t. I don’t think I’d want to waste my energy on anger.

I prayed and fasted for all the people I love; that they may find happiness and joy in all areas of their life. I also pray that they will continuosly seek God in whatever they do.

It’s quite ironic that a starving lady fasts for all those who are already living in abundance. That’s precisely the point. I don’t want them to go through all these things that I’m experiencing right now because I love them. Living in abundance isn’t really the key to happiness.

I’m not living in abundance but I have an abundant nature. I give as if I possess enough earthly wealth for myself. I give money as if I carry with me a fat purse. I give food to street children as if I have eaten enough this month. I spend time with people I love as if I have so much time left to live my personal desires. I love as if the universe has given me a life full of love. Despite the desperate times, I still dream about being the future Philanthropist that I can be-- build libraries and sponsor weekly feeding on public schools, et cetera. 

I'm a nobody, for now, for a while. But with a burning desire backed with faith, I know someday I can extend my love to those who are in need. I may be starving, I may be broke, but no storm lasts for a month. My goals are definite and I make sure that as I walk my way to success, I'll be lifting other people's lives as well.

I may not see God’s abundance in my life but I see His blessings in myself. At the end of your life, you have nothing else left but you. Everything else passes while you strive forward searching for your purpose.

I have known a lot of people who have good jobs and earn good pays but complain a lot about all day’s work. They gain something but at the end of every single day of their working life, they complain as if they have gained nothing out of whatever they have sacrificed most of their time for.

I, on the other hand, live in food scraps and dreams. I do live an authentic life. Being in the freelance business might be quite a headache sometimes and there’s no guarantee that I could earn residual income for the rest of my life. I worry a lot about the bills and how I’ll be able to live my dream of being a philanthropist without having a lot of money. But I never quit designing websites and serving my clients. I have lived with something that gives me fulfillment. I worked with something that I’m passionate about. If I’ll live again, I want to do the same thing because that’s where I could find my burning desire.

As you read this line, I bless you with abundance and grace. May you live the life that gives you motivation. You might be rich or jobless, it doesn’t matter. God has laid out his plans for you too see your worth. Live your purpose and be happy with what you have without having to stop dreaming about what you can have soon. 

Why You Need to Make Mistakes

 It's harder to stand than to fall.

Today, I spent the whole afternoon talking to a friend. But despite all the talking, I had one hand doing all the extra chores and hobbies.

I was talking to her while doing the laundry.
I was talking to her while drawing.
And for the record, I was talking to her while eating my favorite chips (Sweet Chili, yes!).

I usually keep a Dream Diary beside me while I drift away to Dreamland and this afternoon, I had the chance to share my dream to her as she read some e-books from my massive virtual library.

"I don't dream", She said.

That's ridiculous! We all dream. It's part of us, it's our subconscious doing its "thing" while our physical bodies fall asleep! I have never met anybody in my life who have never experienced dreaming.

"Although I have dreamt once or twice, I remember"
Sheesh. That's a relief!

Aside from not having dreams, there are so many reasons that made her one of the most mysterious people I know. At 20, she said she never had a lover or remembered ever falling in love to somebody. I asked her if it might be because she was pre-occupied on other thoughts and passions, she said she is but it's not the reason.

Aside from that, she used to tell me about having a huge "gap" in her life. In one way or another, she knows that something is missing, she just can't point a finger or give it a name. There were times when she felt empty and confused but didn't know why. I told her it might be because she never had that 'falling in or out of love' experience. She wasn't sure.

I am a dreamer, adventurer... And explorer. I can never imagine myself not dreaming while asleep or not having the experience of falling in love. But as I grow old, I've met different kinds of people with different experiences. I've met people who were full of grace and glory and some, just like her, who are empty.

Once in my life, I have experienced feeling empty but that was because I've just had my biggest breakup dilemma. My life is always full of something-- full of hopes, dreams, problems, mistakes or reasons. I took risks to experience winning and losing.

If you feel empty right now, I urge you to take risks. Screw up now! Do a BIG screw up! Make mistakes... It's the only way to start all over and learn. If you don't take your first baby step, you won't learn anything. Remember that in life, the most boring game to play is to play safe. As long as you think you're happy and you won't hurt anybody, go for whatever you want to achieve.

They often say that God doesn't give us problems that we can't handle. I don't believe it. I have been through a lot of stress and I've lost weight after having a lousy breakup and I almost lost my mind. I wasn't really able to handle it, I died after that.

You see, sometimes God give us problems and burdens that we can't carry. Yes, that wasn't a typo error. HE DOES! After all the effort you have exerted on creating that Tower of Personality, a big problem speeds up towards you like a heavy bowling ball, ready to perfectly smash your entire Tower of Personality. God breaks you and destroys you because you need to start building again. Because it's not the personality that you're designed to have.

It's His way of doing things. Of giving you a D mark. Sometimes you need to fail in order to realize that you are taking the wrong course. That this course isn't meant for you and you need to shift. It's all part of the Big Plan.

When you're destroyed, the hard thing isn't the HARD KNOCK or the falling but the standing up. It's harder to stand than to fall. In standing after a hard blow, you are not just fighting the law of gravity, you're also bearing all the pain.

But do you know what's the common mistake of people who fail?
They don't stand up.
Instead, they mourn and blame themselves or the world.
They stay in the ground until they realize it's too late to stand.

While enjoying a dinner in a close friend's house in Bohol, his father once told us his success secret: "If you give your best to the world, the world will give its best to you". I was only 14 when I first heard that line and it took me 5 years to understand what it really meant. Then I looked back at my experience 12 years ago...

When I had my first bike, I did not learn to drive it overnight. It took me four days to understand balance with strategies and combined approaches from my "professional driver" friends. This might sound nothing to you but you have to consider this: I was only 8 years old to be considered suicidal (with all those "almost" self-inflicted injuries). I still have this big scar on my knee but I wear it with pride. I did not learn because I had a good bike or a professional trainer, I learned through negative experiences. I took the wounds, stared at the black and blue bruises on my legs and the world gave me learning.

The world doesn't require your achievements for you to gain what you want from it, although it can be a big plus (considering the confidence and fame that you can get out of them). Sometimes, when you don't own anything or you're not best at anything, the world will still give its best to you. The world usually gives you a blow after a blow after a blow... Yes, it's pathetic! The world is a mad boxer. But if the world sees you stand up after every hard blow, it rewards you because of your persistence. And after each blow, you'll become stronger and wiser-- you get used to the pain and master avoiding the punches. Remember what the Buddha once said:

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock,
The stream always wins – 
Not through strength, but through persistence."

When the Road Seems Impossible, Just Keep Walking

The road to success is always 

under construction. ~Lily Tomlin

I only have ten pesos left in my pocket.

It's 8:30 PM and I haven't had my dinner yet. I have scattered jobs and earnings I call virtual money (simply because I don't have them in hand) but I don't have cash. Being hungry and penniless aren't new to me. I have even survived 3 days of "forced fasting". Forced because I didn't have any choice.

Some friends ask me how I survive this foolishness. It's all very simple.

Because I love history and the stories of people who marked the timelines, I easily make them my role model. I am a walking example of Ghandi, Prisoners of War, Anne Frank and Corrie Ten Boom-- Combined! (Not as good as them, though). I learned through their experience and even when things are getting tough and impossible, I never said No.

Walking from Minglanilla to Manalili (roughly 15 kilometers) was one of the craziest things I've ever done. And whenever I'm in an impossible situation, I look back to that experience. I often tell them that I did it in order to take the examinations but that's honestly too shallow for such a big deed. A huge part of me was trying to "prove" that I can make it. I was a rebel, and on that day, I was driven by my pride. The reason wasn't noble after all.

Every time I make decisions that are too big and take risks that are almost impossible, there's always an emotional story behind. Doing these things might make me look tough but if you dig deeper, I was nothing but immature. I was driven by the anger and pain of being pushed down. But I never regret that experience.

Even if I haven't eaten anything before I did that walk.
Even if I had a fever the next day.
Even if I didn't reach the examinations on time.

If you analyze your failures, you will see secrets to success. And since  I have experienced something that big, whenever I experience misfortune, I often look back to that experience and use it to my own advantage. It became one of my big motivators. It's always great to be inspired by your own story.

But I also had an inspiration the moment I've decided to take that walk.

We had a book entitled "Stories of Great Escapes" which was published by Reader's Digest. The stories were inspired by real life struggles of men and women during the World War. There was a story entitled "The Long Walk" about 5 prisoners of war who escaped and walked for 2 years from Russia to India. Only 2 of the 5 prisoners reached their destination. The other 3 died.

I took the story seriously and applied it in real life.
I thought, if they were able to walk several miles in order to reach their destination, what stops me from walking a few kilometers?

There were times during my walk that I wanted to stop and go back but I'm already halfway there. I just can't stop. I was under the heat of the sun, hungry, penniless and mad. I was only 15 and I was immature enough to be fueled by such an impossible novel. But I made it to the finish line.

I've had so many experiences that were fueled by my adventurous thinking.
That's the reason why I'm not afraid to take risks.

Apart from the fact that I'm fond of wearing myself thin and taking risks, my adventurous soul seeks the true meaning of life. I belong to an unhappy family, we had so many trials that were impossible to bear because we don't unite. We hated one another.

My family situation made my life almost meaningless. But meaningless doesn't mean meaningless forever. That's why I keep on searching for a meaning. I've done things that hurt but they all give me lessons. Somehow, I've gained confidence from my experience. When I was 18, I have learned a lot about life already.

As I travel in this new chapter of my life, I'm experiencing recycled trials. When I'm alone, I kneel down at the edge of my bed and pray. I often tell God "Lord, I don't know what these things are for but I embrace them with all of me."

Failures aren't really signs that tell us that we're getting nowhere

So whenever you feel like everything seems impossible, keep walking. If you stop, you might realize that you have stopped digging 3 meters from the golden treasure. You don't stop climbing the mountain because it's getting higher and harder. If you are passionate about your goals, there is no reason to stop. Failures aren't really signs that tell us that we're getting nowhere. You don't win your way to success, there will be bumps along the way. Keep the faith and believe in yourself.